English Or Else

Now that we're going to have English as our official language, we'd better start geting used to speaking pure English. It's going to take a lot of practice, since we've gotten used to a very sloppy, contaminated dialect, but for the sake of the Homeland, we must adapt.

We can start with our lunch menu -- I mean, lunch food choices. As we look down the food court, we see a wide range of choices:
Corn Flatbread Bell1
Donaldson's2 Ground Beef
Giant Flatbread With Red Nightshade Sauce Hut3
New Virginsland Fried Chicken4

1 Not that we have anything against Spanish, of course we don't, not the slightest, but we're speaking English now, so get used to it.
2 Yes, as is done in other countries with an official language, we're going to have to adopt English names.
3 Yes, I know it's a cumbersome name, but it will have to do until the Department of Homeland Security issues an official English word for that food product.
4 We'll have to leave a discussion of the new place names, including the new names for the states, for another day. But I'm sure we'll be able to adapt, being the inventive and versatile people of the United States of the Northern New World.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Oy, vey."\\